Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
