oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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