cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
