Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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