I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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