their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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