it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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