watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
