i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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