I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Randomize
