jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
