just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
