My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
