i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Randomize
