He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
