totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
