I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
