You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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