She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
