community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
We need to get me chipped asap
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
