Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
