I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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