i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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