First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
