Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
