Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
