somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
