my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
