Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
