thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
