just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
