I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
