The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
