What did we do last night that was yellow?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
