I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
