you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
