Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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