i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
My ass is underappreciated
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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