can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
