Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
