Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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areolas are like halos for boobs.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
