I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
