So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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