he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
