I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
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