he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
