2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
