I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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