Christians are straight up FREAKS
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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