dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
