we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
